Jack Lee.

I won the treble with United! The real United on the other hand put in a piss poor performance and are now out of the League Cup.

Also yay for snow giving me an excuse not to go to uni tomorrow/for the rest of this week/ever.

Night John-Boy.

Have you ever had your lines quoted back at you?
Leslie Nielsen: Oh yeah, of course. The thing I hear the most is, “Don’t call me Shirley.” Are you kidding? After Airplane! I could not move without hearing that. It was like a virus.
Have you ever written fanmail to anyone?
Leslie Nielsen: Just the once — it was to one of The Spice Girls.

Which one?
Leslie Nielsen: I think it was Old Spice.

What were you in your first school play? 
Leslie Nielsen: I played Mary Poppins. Hard to imagine, isn’t it?

Have you ever knowingly broken the law?
Leslie Nielsen: No. She said she was 18.

What’s your favourite joke?
Leslie Nielsen: I don’t remember the set-up but the punchline was, “It’s not a bagpipe, lassie, but keep blowin’!”

What’s the strangest dream you’ve ever had?
Leslie Nielsen: The strangest? Let me think about that. Oh yeah, I once dreamed that I wrote for Empire magazine. Is that strange enough for you?

What’s the best thing you’ve ever stolen from a hotel?
Leslie Nielsen: It was soap — but soap in the shape of a gun. Oh, hold on a second — that was something I stole from prison.

When did you last walk out of a movie?
Leslie Nielsen: I always walk out of a movie. But if it’s one of mine then I skip.

What’s your earliest memory?
Leslie Nielsen: I don’t remember my earliest memory.

What’s your favourite line to start a conversation?
Leslie Nielsen: I like to sit down, take a deep breath and then look someone in the eyes and say, “Boy, what is that terrible odour?”

Who was your first movie crush?
Leslie Nielsen: Umm… Johnny Weissmuller.

What’s the worst thing you’ve eaten?
Leslie Nielsen: There are some things that I would like to keep secret in this interview and that would be one of them. Next question, please…

How much is a pint of milk?
Leslie Nielsen: Umm… 99 cents… Or $1.50 Canadian.

Have you ever had a supernatural experience?
Leslie Nielsen: Of course! Are you serious? Hasn’t everyone had one of those?

Have you ever used your celebrity to get something for free?
Leslie Nielsen: About 423 times — and that’s not counting all the free massages.

What’s the best rumour you’ve ever heard about yourself?
Leslie Nielsen: There have been many strange rumours about me but the best one is that my bow-legs would be straightened out by next year. I wait in hope.

What’s your favourite word in the English language?
Leslie Nielsen: Shit. As in, “Go shit in your hat and pull it over your ears.”

When did you last pay to see a movie?
Leslie Nielsen: It was back in 1977 when I first saw Star Wars. They must have caught me trying to sneak in through the fire exit.

The Lord Of The Rings or Star Wars?
Leslie Nielsen: Well, Star Wars does bring back that wonderful memory I just mentioned…

What’s your idea of heaven on Earth?
Leslie Nielsen: You see, there are some things that should just be left alone. My answer to that question is one of them. Why? None of your business (laughs).

Which film have you seen more than any other? 
Leslie Nielsen: Outside of my own ones, I don’t think I have an answer to that question…

What’s the worst smell in the world?
Leslie Nielsen: Wow! I think it is too painful for me to even recall what that smell was. The smallest whiff made me feel sick. I don’t want to sound as if I am being secretive in this interview but, trust me, you don’t need to know any more than that…

The Beatles or the Rolling Stones?
Leslie Nielsen: I’m more of a Cockroaches man.

What’s the stupidest question you’ve ever been asked?
Leslie Nielsen: Can you repeat that? (Pauses) Oh, you’re not going to fall for it?